Jonni Kuest

Thurs. 04/17: Puerto Rico’s Out, Powell’s on Notice, and FSU’s on Lockdown

April 17th, 2025  |  8 mins 18 secs

Florida State goes on lockdown, Puerto Rico goes dark (again), and Trump’s still trying to fire people he legally can’t touch. Meanwhile, China bans self-driving hype while Tesla continues cosplaying as a tech god, and a ranch dog in Montana makes everyone else look lazy. It’s the Top 5 @ 5—and this week, even the good news comes with fur.

Wed. 04/16: The DOJ Play, Economic Risks Rise, Musk Legacy Grows

April 16th, 2025  |  8 mins 46 secs

Trump’s back on his “lock her up” arc—except this time it’s Letitia James, and he’s the one begging the DOJ for a criminal referral. Meanwhile, Jerome Powell politely drags Trump’s tariff tantrum while Elon’s baby count quietly sneaks into NBA team territory. Plus: a rare feel-good win from Trump on prescription drug prices (we said rare, not fake), and we end in Michigan, where 300 people formed a human chain to move 9,000 books just because they could. Look at that—hope isn’t entirely dead.

Tues. 04/15: Cracks in the Trophy, Cracks in the System

April 15th, 2025  |  11 mins 52 secs

From federal shakedowns at Harvard to zombie chicken diplomacy, today’s episode has it all. JD Vance fumbles the football—literally—at the White House, Trump wants history class to skip the bad parts, and Jack Black tries to save movie theaters one chicken jockey at a time. Plus, Meta offers the FTC pocket change to settle a $30 billion antitrust case. So yeah… things are going great.

Mon. 04/14: Chicken ToothPaste, Tariff Fails & Earthquakes

April 14th, 2025  |  10 mins 40 secs

Trump cozies up to Bukele and shrugs off the Supreme Court like it’s spam mail, KFC wants your morning breath to taste like drumsticks, TikTok becomes China’s luxury goods showroom thanks to a backfiring tariff war, Southern California gets rattled—again—and Paige Bueckers signs a deal that makes the WNBA look like the unpaid internship of pro sports.

All that and more on today’s Top 5 @ 5, where the news is messy, petty, and somehow still smells like fried chicken.

Wed. 04/02: Coin Tosses, Courtroom Escapes & Canine Comebacks

April 2nd, 2025  |  9 mins 31 secs

Trump’s about to ghost Elon, TikTok’s getting wrapped in a flag and sold for parts, and Mayor Adams just walked out of federal court like it’s an episode of Suits. Plus, the NFL finally fixes its overtime mess, and the most heartwarming story of the week is coming straight outta San Quentin—yep, prison puppies are the emotional support story you didn’t know you needed.

Tues. 04/01: Liberation Day, Vocal Marathons, and Corporate Yeast Candles

April 1st, 2025  |  11 mins 59 secs

Trump declares a new holiday and it’s just tariffs in drag. OpenAI grabs $40 billion while Elon fumes in a corner. Cory Booker talks for 19 straight hours and somehow still doesn’t filibuster. France kicks Marine Le Pen off the 2027 ballot and the far-right eats itself alive. And corporate April Fools’ jokes continue their war on comedy—with chip sandwiches, BBQ lipstick, and a candle that smells like cat poop. Let’s get into it.

Mon. 03/31: Torpedoes, Turds, & Third Terms

March 31st, 2025  |  12 mins 49 secs

From baseball bats built like missiles to precinct pranks gone full psycho, today’s Top 5 is a chaos buffet. We’re talking Yankees going nuclear at the plate, a Jersey police chief running the world’s grossest HR department, Trump flirting with a third term (again), submarines full of cocaine, and a massive earthquake rocking an already unstable Myanmar. It’s politics, sports, crime, and cocaine—with your daily dose of side-eye.

Tues. 03/25: Saudi Talks, Signal Fails, and Diddy’s Legal Limbo

March 25th, 2025  |  8 mins 47 secs

Trump’s crew thinks a Signal group chat is a secure comms channel—spoiler, it’s not. Meanwhile, the administration walks away from Saudi talks with less than a ceasefire but more than zero, Diddy gets half a lawsuit dropped, and an Oscar-winning Palestinian filmmaker gets arrested for existing. Plus, your women’s March Madness bracket is about to get wrecked.

Mon. 03/24: DNA, DMs, and Dumb Decisions

March 24th, 2025  |  11 mins 1 sec

Private chats re Houthi attacks in Yemen in Signal got leaked to a journalist like it was WhatsApp in 2012, Trumpito’s back in court doing his best impression of a man who’s never read the Constitution, and 23andMe just filed for bankruptcy—which, let’s be real, is poetic for a company that sold your DNA like Groupon coupons. We say goodbye to the champ George Foreman, grill king and heavyweight icon, and spotlight the 21-year-old in NYC who just became the first person cured of sickle cell disease with a one-and-done gene therapy. Science wins. Privacy loses. And Trump’s still Trump.

Thurs. 03/20: Billion-Dollar Deals, Government Teardowns, and Hollywood Dumpster Fires

March 20th, 2025  |  13 mins 33 secs

Hollywood meltdowns, billion-dollar sports sales, and the government making moves no one asked for—welcome to another day in 2025. We break down Gal Gadot’s protest-filled Walk of Fame ceremony, Disney’s Snow White disaster (spoiler: it’s bad), and why Boston fans just got even more unbearable with the Celtics’ $6.1 billion sale. Then, Trump decides schools are overrated and signs an executive order to gut the Department of Education, because why not? Plus, March Madness is here, which means brackets are getting destroyed, and Vegas is making all the money. And finally, a PSA: stop lighting Teslas on fire. Seriously.

Wed. 03/19: Rigged Jackpots, Bird Flu Chaos, and Drake’s Legal eL

March 19th, 2025  |  10 mins 29 secs

A $95 million Texas Lottery hack that might get shut down, the JFK files drop that wasn’t the bombshell some hoped for, Trump’s FTC purge and Musk’s Social Security overhaul, RFK Jr.’s bird flu “strategy” (spoiler: it’s chaos), and Drake suing UMG over a diss track… and getting roasted in court. Plus, a 3-year-old hero saves the day.

Stay tuned for the best, the worst, and the downright ridiculous in today’s Top 5 at Five!

180: Forever 21 Lies, Roku Spies, and Trumpito Tries

March 18th, 2025  |  11 mins 11 secs

Trumpito is back at it—spinning a non-ceasefire in Ukraine, throwing tantrums about judges, and quietly rehiring the government workers he fired. Roku is testing autoplay ads before you even reach the home screen (gross). Meanwhile, Forever 21 is finally shutting its doors for good, aka Temporary 21, and the great black spatula panic turned out to be a whole lot of nothing. But don’t worry—it’s not all bad. A man just survived 100 days with a titanium heart, and it might just change the future of medicine. Let’s get into it.

179: Trump’s Deportation Party; Harvard’s Freebies; and Alexa’s Listening (to Literally Everything); Plus more News!

March 17th, 2025  |  12 mins 24 secs

Happy Monday, Top 5 fam! Today, we’re breaking down the weekend’s wildest news: Trump ignored a judge and shipped Venezuelan gangsters to El Salvador anyway, Arlington Cemetery casually erased minority war heroes (history? who needs it?), and Amazon decided your Echo should record your every whispered secret—because privacy is so 2024. Plus, Harvard finally shares some of its cash mountain, Biden’s pardons might be fake (if you believe Trump’s Autopen conspiracy), and a hero-rescue-turned-engagement gives us all hope that romance isn’t dead. Let’s dive into the madness!

178: Shutdown Showdown, Tesla’s ‘Fake’ Robotaxi, and a Plane on Fire?!

March 14th, 2025  |  9 mins 24 secs

Government shutdown averted, but at what cost? Waymo’s ex-CEO calls Tesla’s robotaxi launch a total scam. An American Airlines plane literally caught fire in Denver. Plus, Trump’s bold tax plan and the push to shut down the Department of Education. It’s a wild one—let’s get into it.

173: WOW! Who Would Do Such a Thing to Lady Gaga's Dogs?!; Now It's 3 Shots, What's Next?; King Cuomo's In a Lot of Hot Water Lately; & More News!

February 25th, 2021  |  7 mins 55 secs

It's Thursday ya'll. Today we talk about Pfizer testing a 3 booster shot for the vacuna; Gov Cuomo's being accused of a lot lately, and he has a lot to answer for; Twitter introduces 2 new interesting features; China's being anal again with their testing; Lady Gaga's dogs were stolen and her dog walker shot in LA

172: Tiger Woods in TRAGIC Car Accident; Johnson&Johnson One-Shot Vaccine Works!; Biden vs. China’s Chips; & More News!

February 24th, 2021  |  7 mins 39 secs

Happy Hump Day! In today’s show we start with the story of Tiger Wood’s car accident and current condition; Johnson & Johnson’s COVID-19 vaccine is proven effective; Biden has an EO to take on the China supply chain; Is it time for Jeep to get rid of the Grand Cherokee name?; Sony announces 4 more months of Play At Home