Top 5 at Five

Tues. 04/01: Liberation Day, Vocal Marathons, and Corporate Yeast Candles

April 1st, 2025  |  11 mins 59 secs

Trump declares a new holiday and it’s just tariffs in drag. OpenAI grabs $40 billion while Elon fumes in a corner. Cory Booker talks for 19 straight hours and somehow still doesn’t filibuster. France kicks Marine Le Pen off the 2027 ballot and the far-right eats itself alive. And corporate April Fools’ jokes continue their war on comedy—with chip sandwiches, BBQ lipstick, and a candle that smells like cat poop. Let’s get into it.

Mon. 03/31: Torpedoes, Turds, & Third Terms

March 31st, 2025  |  12 mins 49 secs

From baseball bats built like missiles to precinct pranks gone full psycho, today’s Top 5 is a chaos buffet. We’re talking Yankees going nuclear at the plate, a Jersey police chief running the world’s grossest HR department, Trump flirting with a third term (again), submarines full of cocaine, and a massive earthquake rocking an already unstable Myanmar. It’s politics, sports, crime, and cocaine—with your daily dose of side-eye.

Tues. 03/25: Saudi Talks, Signal Fails, and Diddy’s Legal Limbo

March 25th, 2025  |  8 mins 47 secs

Trump’s crew thinks a Signal group chat is a secure comms channel—spoiler, it’s not. Meanwhile, the administration walks away from Saudi talks with less than a ceasefire but more than zero, Diddy gets half a lawsuit dropped, and an Oscar-winning Palestinian filmmaker gets arrested for existing. Plus, your women’s March Madness bracket is about to get wrecked.

Mon. 03/24: DNA, DMs, and Dumb Decisions

March 24th, 2025  |  11 mins 1 sec

Private chats re Houthi attacks in Yemen in Signal got leaked to a journalist like it was WhatsApp in 2012, Trumpito’s back in court doing his best impression of a man who’s never read the Constitution, and 23andMe just filed for bankruptcy—which, let’s be real, is poetic for a company that sold your DNA like Groupon coupons. We say goodbye to the champ George Foreman, grill king and heavyweight icon, and spotlight the 21-year-old in NYC who just became the first person cured of sickle cell disease with a one-and-done gene therapy. Science wins. Privacy loses. And Trump’s still Trump.

Thurs. 03/20: Billion-Dollar Deals, Government Teardowns, and Hollywood Dumpster Fires

March 20th, 2025  |  13 mins 33 secs

Hollywood meltdowns, billion-dollar sports sales, and the government making moves no one asked for—welcome to another day in 2025. We break down Gal Gadot’s protest-filled Walk of Fame ceremony, Disney’s Snow White disaster (spoiler: it’s bad), and why Boston fans just got even more unbearable with the Celtics’ $6.1 billion sale. Then, Trump decides schools are overrated and signs an executive order to gut the Department of Education, because why not? Plus, March Madness is here, which means brackets are getting destroyed, and Vegas is making all the money. And finally, a PSA: stop lighting Teslas on fire. Seriously.

Wed. 03/19: Rigged Jackpots, Bird Flu Chaos, and Drake’s Legal eL

March 19th, 2025  |  10 mins 29 secs

A $95 million Texas Lottery hack that might get shut down, the JFK files drop that wasn’t the bombshell some hoped for, Trump’s FTC purge and Musk’s Social Security overhaul, RFK Jr.’s bird flu “strategy” (spoiler: it’s chaos), and Drake suing UMG over a diss track… and getting roasted in court. Plus, a 3-year-old hero saves the day.

Stay tuned for the best, the worst, and the downright ridiculous in today’s Top 5 at Five!

180: Forever 21 Lies, Roku Spies, and Trumpito Tries

March 18th, 2025  |  11 mins 11 secs

Trumpito is back at it—spinning a non-ceasefire in Ukraine, throwing tantrums about judges, and quietly rehiring the government workers he fired. Roku is testing autoplay ads before you even reach the home screen (gross). Meanwhile, Forever 21 is finally shutting its doors for good, aka Temporary 21, and the great black spatula panic turned out to be a whole lot of nothing. But don’t worry—it’s not all bad. A man just survived 100 days with a titanium heart, and it might just change the future of medicine. Let’s get into it.

179: Trump’s Deportation Party; Harvard’s Freebies; and Alexa’s Listening (to Literally Everything); Plus more News!

March 17th, 2025  |  12 mins 24 secs

Happy Monday, Top 5 fam! Today, we’re breaking down the weekend’s wildest news: Trump ignored a judge and shipped Venezuelan gangsters to El Salvador anyway, Arlington Cemetery casually erased minority war heroes (history? who needs it?), and Amazon decided your Echo should record your every whispered secret—because privacy is so 2024. Plus, Harvard finally shares some of its cash mountain, Biden’s pardons might be fake (if you believe Trump’s Autopen conspiracy), and a hero-rescue-turned-engagement gives us all hope that romance isn’t dead. Let’s dive into the madness!

178: Shutdown Showdown, Tesla’s ‘Fake’ Robotaxi, and a Plane on Fire?!

March 14th, 2025  |  9 mins 24 secs

Government shutdown averted, but at what cost? Waymo’s ex-CEO calls Tesla’s robotaxi launch a total scam. An American Airlines plane literally caught fire in Denver. Plus, Trump’s bold tax plan and the push to shut down the Department of Education. It’s a wild one—let’s get into it.

176: What the HELL is a Fungible Token?!; New CDC Guidelines—What do They Mean For Us?; Blake Griffin Gives Up $12M to Lose in Brooklyn!!; & More News!

March 8th, 2021  |  9 mins 38 secs

Happy Monday! Today we start with the updated CDC guidelines around fully vaccinated people; What the hell is an NFT and why are they selling for so much? Want to buy this episode? Hit the link below ;) ;Blake Griffin is now officially a member of the Brooklyn Nets. How many stars do they have now?; Google promises to stop tracking you, as long as you don't use any Google products; Tesla batteries are gonna power a whole state, or at least part of a small town. And more bonus news!

175: OMG—Texas Must Have Beaten the VID!; No Pressure on MBS (Is the New Guy Same as the Last Guy?); Microsoft is Here to Ruin/Enhance Your Virtual Meetings; & More NEWS!

March 2nd, 2021  |  11 mins 2 secs

It's Tuesday. We start today by talking about the non-action the USA has placed against Saudi Arabia after determining MBS was responsible for the killing of Jamal Khashoggi; Texas beats the VID and removes mask mandates (unless they didn't and they're just being stupid); They're taking away your beloved Dr. Seuss books, if you can actually remember any of these titles; Microsoft introduces Mesh, a virtual meeting room for Teams where your teammate can fart and you see it in AR; An inspirational story of the Mars Perseverance rover flight director, a Latina immigrant named Diana Trujillo.

174: Wait—Can We Do It Like France Did It?; El Rey Cuomo's Empire is Collapsing; Yet Another Idea Facebook/Instagram Has Stolen; & More News!

March 1st, 2021  |  9 mins 11 secs

Happy Monday! In today's show we start with the updates on Governor Cuomo's situation from over the weekend; The $1.9T relief bill looks to move forward, but leaving $15/hr Federal Minimum wage behind; The French have convicted former President Sarkozy of corruption, and that sounds like it could be a great American headline in 2 years; Instagram launches Live Rooms: now stream with even more people; Walmart wants your Amazon money, same day. Plus more

173: WOW! Who Would Do Such a Thing to Lady Gaga's Dogs?!; Now It's 3 Shots, What's Next?; King Cuomo's In a Lot of Hot Water Lately; & More News!

February 25th, 2021  |  7 mins 55 secs

It's Thursday ya'll. Today we talk about Pfizer testing a 3 booster shot for the vacuna; Gov Cuomo's being accused of a lot lately, and he has a lot to answer for; Twitter introduces 2 new interesting features; China's being anal again with their testing; Lady Gaga's dogs were stolen and her dog walker shot in LA

172: Tiger Woods in TRAGIC Car Accident; Johnson&Johnson One-Shot Vaccine Works!; Biden vs. China’s Chips; & More News!

February 24th, 2021  |  7 mins 39 secs

Happy Hump Day! In today’s show we start with the story of Tiger Wood’s car accident and current condition; Johnson & Johnson’s COVID-19 vaccine is proven effective; Biden has an EO to take on the China supply chain; Is it time for Jeep to get rid of the Grand Cherokee name?; Sony announces 4 more months of Play At Home

171: OH NOOOO! Daft Punk Announces Split; New Jersey Legalizes It; Spotify HiFi Lossless Audio Streams are Here; & More News!

February 22nd, 2021  |  8 mins 31 secs

Happy Monday! Today we start with the confirmation hearings for Merrick Garland to be Attorney General; The Supreme Court tosses out Trump's request to hide his taxes from the Manhattan DA; The Biden administration has changed the rules of PPP to benefit SMB, sole proprietors and minority owned businesses; Daft Punk announces they're splitting up after over 25 years and 3 albums; Spotify is getting into the HD music business with a new lossless audio streaming tier; And Bonus News!

170: WTF Texas?!; Immigration Reform 2021; Cruzin' in Cancún; Mr. Robinhood Goes to Washington; & More News!

February 18th, 2021  |  8 mins 54 secs

It's Thursday y'all! In this episode we start with the Democrats Immigration Bill; We break down what is happening with the Texas power grid; Ted Cruz got caught leaving his people behind in peril; Robinhood, Roaring Kitty; and had their congressional hearing; and NASA landed another friggin robot on Mars. YES! Plus Bonus News!