Top 5 at Five

A dog-walking length daily update.

About the show

Daily top news stories, always waiting for you M-Th at 5pm ET. Short enough to learn something, long enough to walk your dog. Dodge the news and catch up with Jonni.

Top 5 at Five on social media

Episodes

  • 16: Elon Musk Does Not Believe, TikTok Don’t Like Ugly and Some Hope and Positivity

    March 17th, 2020  |  10 mins 27 secs

    This is an episodes where I give another extremely informative update on the virus that shall not be named; Elon Musk and Adidas CEO, Kasper Rorsted both show they’re lack of empathy then find out they have to pretend; Tom friggin’ Brady leaves the only team he’s ever know to an uncertain future, plus other NFL news; TikTok reminds me why I never signed up for their stupid app to begin with; I hope this last story brings some hope from science, and peanuts.

  • 15: All the COVID News, Another Debate, And NO, 5G Doesnt Do That

    March 16th, 2020  |  11 mins 13 secs
    5g, covid-19, google, israel, netanyahu, trump

    Today’s show covers everything COVID related that happened over the weekend, and today, and while you were asleep; two old white guys argued with each other on television and almost no one cared because of lockdown fear; Israel has a lot more than an infection to be concerned about; Google and Trump go back and forth and the world sits back and wonder’s ‘why the lies?’; and then then the tinfoil crowd doesn’t know how to tell the truth from fiction so they just keep lying about 5G and the virus.

  • 14: The FED Made It Rain, Will John Oliver Pause Your Student Loans, and Princess Tried to Slip It In

    March 13th, 2020  |  7 mins 46 secs
    airstrikes, apple, covid-19, fed, iran, iraq, john oliver, steve mnuchin, wwdc

    On today’s installment of Top 5, I try to help explain why the FED dropped so much money on the floor; The US Military plays no games, shun; Your end of the week VID updates: faster tests approved but you still can’t get them and Apple finally does something about WWDC; Princess Cruises really thought they could slide this info and walk out the room; and Treasury Secretary by day/HBO Host late night Sundays teases us with student loan forgiveness–for like a couple months–maybe–we’ll see...

  • 13: All of 2020 is Cancelled Until Further Notice, US Women’s Soccer Goes After Their Gold, and TikTok Goes See-Through

    March 12th, 2020  |  9 mins 28 secs

    This is the episode where we find out everything is cancelled, don’t bother leaving the house; US Women’s Soccer is literally fighting sexist pigs, TikTok swears it’s going to show you all the goods under the table, Don’t touch your damn face; and if you can make it this long breaking the law, you get an award.

  • 12: Joe Wins on Pretty Sweet Tuesday, Harvey Gets to Prison and Billie Says Watch Your Mouf Not My Body

    March 11th, 2020  |  8 mins 32 secs
    bernie, biden, billie eilish, covid-19, harvey weinstein, taxes, uk

    This is the one where Biden wins yet again but Bernie’s like, son – I’m not done; Harvey “the pervvy rapist” Weinstein gets 23 big ones in the clink; Airlines are losing big time, so they’re finally cleaning the planes; The UK decides to tax that ass on American social media & internet companies; and Billie Eilish switches up her image while succinctly saying, “Don’t watch me, watch TV.”

  • 11: More Market Swings, Toilet Paper Gold And Dolly Tries to Go Wild at 75!

    March 10th, 2020  |  9 mins 16 secs
    coronavirus, covid-19, dolly parton, human behavior, stock market, toilet paper, trump

    In this one you put the volume up to hear me over the loud ass airplane noise and we find out that: there are a lot of COVID updates daily, but I’m only give you the important and or funny stuff; The stock market swings like a medieval guillotine amid a multitude of news today; Human behavior makes us buy weird stuff when we’re scared; Today’s another big Election Day, and they both need to make it count; Dolly shows us she still got it, even if you don’t wanna see it.

  • 10: Don't Look at your 401K, Don't Ever Take a Cruise, and Don't Panic

    March 9th, 2020  |  10 mins 19 secs
    amazon, covid-19, italian wine, robinhood, stock market blunders, trump

    In this one, we talk about why the hell the stock market is doing backflips on itself; I finally give some updates on the virus of the decade; Trump only has the best people, so he just keeps picking better replacements, that's all; Amazon finally shows its cards and they're all hundreds; Even if it was a mistake, it's the only mistake I've asked for.

  • 9: Facebook backtracks? Putin and Erdogan make heart bubbles, and Chile's still on fire.

    March 6th, 2020  |  9 mins 11 secs
    daily news, international, news, politics

    In this one, we find out Facebook can sometimes make the right decision, but we still don’t understand why; Waymo is worth a lot less than we thought & we’re pretty sure Google knows it; Chile is still on fire, violent protests are becoming a way of life; Putin and Erdogan call a temporary truce while they count their dead soldiers, hopefully it doesn’t collapse again; Go to the movies and see a heart swelling story from Pixar. Onward opens up today.

  • 8: Lizzie Dubs Says Peace Out, 'Bama Needs a New Roll of Tide by 6, and I'm Not Paying That Much For It

    March 5th, 2020  |  10 mins 48 secs

    In this one, we find out that Liz Warren has bowed out to leave us with a couple old white farts, Anthony Levandowski owes Google some real fuckin cash, the Alabama governor has a serious decision to make by 6PM Eastern today, YouTube TV customers lose out big – if they care about the Yankees or NYCFC, and price gougers are some annoying f#@ks.

  • 7: Super Tuesday, WeWork's Still Dumb & Ladies Love Tom Brady

    March 4th, 2020  |  14 mins 38 secs

    This one is long as hell. It'll be worth it. But I gotta talk about Super Tuesday results, an interesting business move by WeWork, Tom Brady is getting wooed until Summer, Quibi deserves a deeper look and people with money are starting to notice and one of the BEST shows ever is turning 15.

  • 6: Tornadoes, Fake News and Spike Lee

    March 3rd, 2020  |  8 mins 18 secs

    The one where I talk about more coronavirus shit, fake coronavirus news headlines, the President of Honduras is an extra on a Netflix show, a serious tragedy in Tennessee and Spike Lee has beef with the Knicks. Or just the arena. Or both.

  • 5: Top 5 at 5 - Monday, March 2, 2020

    March 2nd, 2020  |  10 mins 7 secs
  • Episode 4: Top 5 at 5 - Friday, February 28, 2020

    February 28th, 2020  |  9 mins 44 secs
  • Episode 3: Top 5 at 5 - Thursday, February 27, 2020

    February 27th, 2020  |  8 mins 21 secs
  • Episode 2: Top 5 at 5 - Wednesday, February 26, 2020

    February 26th, 2020  |  7 mins 52 secs
  • Episode 1: Top 5 at 5 - Tuesday, February 25, 2020

    February 25th, 2020  |  7 mins 48 secs