Top 5 at Five
A dog-walking length daily update.
Episodes
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23: Tiger King is a Tiger Can’t, Chubb Gets Clubbed and An Old Story About 5G
March 26th, 2020 | 8 mins 17 secs
I finally did it. I couldn’t make it by 5. My bad. Last time I swear. But today we talk about the same stuff as everyone else in the new in our daily update; We found out the only Exotic thing about Joe is his phony ass voice; Chubb can’t protect its own data, but insures your’s; I found an old story about 5G I wanted to talk about because f!©k corona; And the Duchess don’t need your stimulus bill, she got a job.
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22: The Shmoney Cometh, YouTube Downgrades Us all, and Something, Something, Something, READ
March 25th, 2020 | 7 mins 49 secs
Here’s another one my beautiful people! In this episode we talked about all that shmoney congress finally approved, other rona updates bouncing around the news world, Apple released another version of iOS, should you care? Youtube explains why your Dude perfect videos are all pixelated, and Something Something Something read it.
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21: Google Play Catches the Rona, Spotify Tells DJay It’s a Dub, and TV Hospitals Are Kind of Like Real Ones
March 24th, 2020 | 9 mins 53 secs
This episode has some news stories. We update you again on the rona. We ask that you kindly not do stupid things. We find out that you should wear an N95 mask when playing in the Google Play store. We learned that that DJ’s are losing their Spotify Riddim; and TV hospitals use all the same stuff as regular ones. Plus more companies pretend to just learn what a tax deductible donation is.
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20: Another Veerooos Update, Bandcampers Make Some Bank, and Van’s Drops Dope New Kicks
March 23rd, 2020 | 8 mins 34 secs
New one today. As always. This episode covers today’s virus update; Apple Watch tariffs be-gone; Bandcamp waived fees and creators made mad dough; Australian bushfires are done. Did you forget that was happening?; and Van’s dropped some dope kicks for people suffering from ASD
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19: Will You Run a Coronavirus Home School?, Mark Rober has a Cool Video on Dirty Kids and Ahsoka Tano-Nuff Said
March 20th, 2020 | 11 mins 37 secs
ahsoka tano, bloomberg, covid19, cuomo, home school, mandalorian, mark rober, newsom, quarantine, star wars, trump, youtube
We did it again. Another week down. This episode covers another friggin update to some stuff about the viral outbreak; Some parents just want their kids to keep learning, others are like screw that: what do you think?; Bloomberg changes his mind yet again, but still comes with the good$; Mark Rober is a dope ass engineer. Watch his YouTube videos and learn, this time about Germ Spread!; and Star Wars nerds will love this news. I wont spoil it in the notes. Only in the title.
Btw, you won't see this but ¡Feliz Cumpleaños Papi!
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18: Netflix is Gonna Break the Internet, Google Ads May Target Your Diseases, and Chef Jose Andres is the Best
March 19th, 2020 | 9 mins 34 secs
ads, cameo, chef jose andres, china, covid-19, google, instagram, netflix, red cross, trump, verily
Well this is another show down. Today I give you another quick outbreak update and try to make sense of the crazy daily news conferences; Netflix might break the internet so they gotta slow they roll; There’s a website named Cameo: you’ve probably never heard of it or will ever use it but it’s better than talking about the Rona; Google’s health website makes you login so they can send you Cialis ads next year; And some good stories about people coming together, singing, and being fed by the best human on the planet, Chef José Andrés.
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17: Guvmint Checks A’comin’, Apple Has Some New Floss, and Humans Need Not Apply
March 18th, 2020 | 9 mins 47 secs
apple, bernie sanders, facebook, humanity, joe biden, mnuchin, snoop dogg, trump, venice
This is a news podcast. And in this news podcast’s episode for today, we talk about what Trump’s brilliant plan to save the economy of America is, and its not terrible; Joe Biden is rollin through these primaries like Snoop in a Cadillac; Facebook tries to do right, and still does wrong, while trying to do right again; and Humans mess things up when we overburden the earth, the proof is in Venice.
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16: Elon Musk Does Not Believe, TikTok Don’t Like Ugly and Some Hope and Positivity
March 17th, 2020 | 10 mins 27 secs
This is an episodes where I give another extremely informative update on the virus that shall not be named; Elon Musk and Adidas CEO, Kasper Rorsted both show they’re lack of empathy then find out they have to pretend; Tom friggin’ Brady leaves the only team he’s ever know to an uncertain future, plus other NFL news; TikTok reminds me why I never signed up for their stupid app to begin with; I hope this last story brings some hope from science, and peanuts.
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15: All the COVID News, Another Debate, And NO, 5G Doesnt Do That
March 16th, 2020 | 11 mins 13 secs
5g, covid-19, google, israel, netanyahu, trump
Today’s show covers everything COVID related that happened over the weekend, and today, and while you were asleep; two old white guys argued with each other on television and almost no one cared because of lockdown fear; Israel has a lot more than an infection to be concerned about; Google and Trump go back and forth and the world sits back and wonder’s ‘why the lies?’; and then then the tinfoil crowd doesn’t know how to tell the truth from fiction so they just keep lying about 5G and the virus.
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14: The FED Made It Rain, Will John Oliver Pause Your Student Loans, and Princess Tried to Slip It In
March 13th, 2020 | 7 mins 46 secs
airstrikes, apple, covid-19, fed, iran, iraq, john oliver, steve mnuchin, wwdc
On today’s installment of Top 5, I try to help explain why the FED dropped so much money on the floor; The US Military plays no games, shun; Your end of the week VID updates: faster tests approved but you still can’t get them and Apple finally does something about WWDC; Princess Cruises really thought they could slide this info and walk out the room; and Treasury Secretary by day/HBO Host late night Sundays teases us with student loan forgiveness–for like a couple months–maybe–we’ll see...
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13: All of 2020 is Cancelled Until Further Notice, US Women’s Soccer Goes After Their Gold, and TikTok Goes See-Through
March 12th, 2020 | 9 mins 28 secs
This is the episode where we find out everything is cancelled, don’t bother leaving the house; US Women’s Soccer is literally fighting sexist pigs, TikTok swears it’s going to show you all the goods under the table, Don’t touch your damn face; and if you can make it this long breaking the law, you get an award.
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12: Joe Wins on Pretty Sweet Tuesday, Harvey Gets to Prison and Billie Says Watch Your Mouf Not My Body
March 11th, 2020 | 8 mins 32 secs
bernie, biden, billie eilish, covid-19, harvey weinstein, taxes, uk
This is the one where Biden wins yet again but Bernie’s like, son – I’m not done; Harvey “the pervvy rapist” Weinstein gets 23 big ones in the clink; Airlines are losing big time, so they’re finally cleaning the planes; The UK decides to tax that ass on American social media & internet companies; and Billie Eilish switches up her image while succinctly saying, “Don’t watch me, watch TV.”
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11: More Market Swings, Toilet Paper Gold And Dolly Tries to Go Wild at 75!
March 10th, 2020 | 9 mins 16 secs
coronavirus, covid-19, dolly parton, human behavior, stock market, toilet paper, trump
In this one you put the volume up to hear me over the loud ass airplane noise and we find out that: there are a lot of COVID updates daily, but I’m only give you the important and or funny stuff; The stock market swings like a medieval guillotine amid a multitude of news today; Human behavior makes us buy weird stuff when we’re scared; Today’s another big Election Day, and they both need to make it count; Dolly shows us she still got it, even if you don’t wanna see it.
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10: Don't Look at your 401K, Don't Ever Take a Cruise, and Don't Panic
March 9th, 2020 | 10 mins 19 secs
amazon, covid-19, italian wine, robinhood, stock market blunders, trump
In this one, we talk about why the hell the stock market is doing backflips on itself; I finally give some updates on the virus of the decade; Trump only has the best people, so he just keeps picking better replacements, that's all; Amazon finally shows its cards and they're all hundreds; Even if it was a mistake, it's the only mistake I've asked for.
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9: Facebook backtracks? Putin and Erdogan make heart bubbles, and Chile's still on fire.
March 6th, 2020 | 9 mins 11 secs
daily news, international, news, politics
In this one, we find out Facebook can sometimes make the right decision, but we still don’t understand why; Waymo is worth a lot less than we thought & we’re pretty sure Google knows it; Chile is still on fire, violent protests are becoming a way of life; Putin and Erdogan call a temporary truce while they count their dead soldiers, hopefully it doesn’t collapse again; Go to the movies and see a heart swelling story from Pixar. Onward opens up today.
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8: Lizzie Dubs Says Peace Out, 'Bama Needs a New Roll of Tide by 6, and I'm Not Paying That Much For It
March 5th, 2020 | 10 mins 48 secs
In this one, we find out that Liz Warren has bowed out to leave us with a couple old white farts, Anthony Levandowski owes Google some real fuckin cash, the Alabama governor has a serious decision to make by 6PM Eastern today, YouTube TV customers lose out big – if they care about the Yankees or NYCFC, and price gougers are some annoying f#@ks.